What is emotional independence?

Did you ever think “I will be happier when…”? 

Often in life, we come to think we will be happier or more gratified when someone approves of our lifestyle, we have children, we reach a career goal, our marriage goes the way we want it to.  It is easy and human to feel like our own happiness should depend on something external, and not on what is already within ourselves.  But wouldn’t we find a sense of peace if we knew we could face, and resolve any circumstances on our own? 

To achieve this sense of self on our own, without depending on anything or anyone to feel happiness, it is vital to build emotional independence. So what does it mean to be emotionally independent? 

It means being able to nurture a sense of contentment, and manifest feelings and self-worth regardless of what is happening in life and relationships. By practicing and cultivating this inner resilience, we can keep our sense of being grounded and fulfill our own needs internally. 

How do we reach independence on an emotional level? 

Practicing mindfulness is a big part of it. This is the act of paying attention to thoughts, feelings, and sensations that are happening inside ourselves, as well as the situations and other factors that are external to our being. Mindfulness helps build awareness and focus on what is actually taking place in and around us, instead of what we perceive of it. 

Journaling is an other way of changing our thinking processes. Sometimes, writing down the way we feel about situations, emotions, and people can help us become aware of how much this is hurting us. Practice replacing these thoughts with neutral affirmations such as ‘I can handle difficult situations’ or ‘I feel ok when I’m in a difficult situation’, and with patience and time, this can help rewire how we think about ourselseves. 

Practicing letting go is also at the core of cultivating inner resilience. By learning to let go of other’s expectations, we are able to take responsibility of our own feelings without making people or situations responsible for them. 

There are many other methods and techniques used for this purpose and although practicing true forms of acceptance like the ones listed above can be difficult, learning to be emotionally independent is a slow process, and only comes with patience and practice.